Yesterday Sucked
I know that I have a lot to be grateful for; I'm well fed, I have a roof over my head, a computer and an internet connection to type this up on, Hell, I even have a tv to watch shows on. It can't be that bad can it?
The thing is, I missed out on the job of my dreams yesterday. Okay, it was in IT, so not perfect in some ways, but it was a chance to learn and teach and do something great. But I missed out, why? Because I'm not good at vocalising my thoughts. Somehow there's a disconnect between the words that exist in my head and those that come out of my mouth. And I don't know how to fix it.
As if that wasn't enough, my car (my first car) has bitten the dust after 10 years of faithful service. I know it was old and slow, but it was mine. But all's fine, my partner bought us a car.
"So what's wrong?" I hear you ask. Well it's new, so it's actually worth something, and it's his. Which would be fine, only now I don't feel relaxed driving it. The driver's seat of my car is the one place I felt safe; in control. It's the one place that I am the boss of what happens. Petty as it may seem, I've lost that joy.
"Okay, so do something else you enjoy." I went out on my skates, but the hilly area makes confident skating tricky. And my bicycle is a road bike so I can't let loose in the countryside like I used to. Now I'm out of ideas, and out of money.
See that's the other thing; hobbies they require money. At least a little bit (I know, there's freecycle and some other great sites to get stuff for nothing) but its just another compromise. So I need a job and I've been looking....for 18 months (thereabouts, I try not to think about it too much).
I've applied for over 100 different jobs, most of which are within my skillset. I've had interviews for no more than 10. I keep suggesting to my partner that I apply for something below my skillset, but get the response of "You know you can do better."
But that's just it...maybe I can't.
Since I've waited another 3 weeks though an interview process, I've now got a huge gap on my CV with nothing to show for it. Which is the bane of recruitment people. So what do I do now? Continue this soul sucking process in the hopes that I find whatever niche I can claw from this miserable existence..I don't know what the other option is.
I'm not sure there is one.
The thing is, I missed out on the job of my dreams yesterday. Okay, it was in IT, so not perfect in some ways, but it was a chance to learn and teach and do something great. But I missed out, why? Because I'm not good at vocalising my thoughts. Somehow there's a disconnect between the words that exist in my head and those that come out of my mouth. And I don't know how to fix it.
As if that wasn't enough, my car (my first car) has bitten the dust after 10 years of faithful service. I know it was old and slow, but it was mine. But all's fine, my partner bought us a car.
"So what's wrong?" I hear you ask. Well it's new, so it's actually worth something, and it's his. Which would be fine, only now I don't feel relaxed driving it. The driver's seat of my car is the one place I felt safe; in control. It's the one place that I am the boss of what happens. Petty as it may seem, I've lost that joy.
"Okay, so do something else you enjoy." I went out on my skates, but the hilly area makes confident skating tricky. And my bicycle is a road bike so I can't let loose in the countryside like I used to. Now I'm out of ideas, and out of money.
See that's the other thing; hobbies they require money. At least a little bit (I know, there's freecycle and some other great sites to get stuff for nothing) but its just another compromise. So I need a job and I've been looking....for 18 months (thereabouts, I try not to think about it too much).
I've applied for over 100 different jobs, most of which are within my skillset. I've had interviews for no more than 10. I keep suggesting to my partner that I apply for something below my skillset, but get the response of "You know you can do better."
But that's just it...maybe I can't.
Since I've waited another 3 weeks though an interview process, I've now got a huge gap on my CV with nothing to show for it. Which is the bane of recruitment people. So what do I do now? Continue this soul sucking process in the hopes that I find whatever niche I can claw from this miserable existence..I don't know what the other option is.
I'm not sure there is one.
with an outlook like this,
ReplyDeletegood things will come,
i hope your frustration eases,
and the mountains are climbed.
Thank you kindly:)
ReplyDeleteArrrgh! and Summer is coming to an end. :(
ReplyDelete"That which does not kill me makes me stronger."
- some philospoher
"Remember!"
- Spock
I do try to hold onto those words. But as I'm sure you're aware, its not always that easy.
DeleteMany thanks my friend.